are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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