from now on my penis is your penis
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize