Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
