last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
