but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
