Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
