i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
