we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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