what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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