Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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