Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
