Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
