Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
