Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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