I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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