Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
