i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
