I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
