Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
