I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
