Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize