I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
