WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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