I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
