Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
