Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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