i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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