Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
