Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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