he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
