I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
