So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
