i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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