fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
