Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
