How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
