I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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