Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
