I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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