Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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