3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
