is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think i have two assholes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
