Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
