I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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