the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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