I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
