so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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