Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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