new low.... made out with someone while peeing
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How's work?
Spinning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
