how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
