I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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