there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
