Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
