is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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