What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
