5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
