I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
