SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
