My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
