Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
