Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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