Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize