you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
