the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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