Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
