I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
