remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
