um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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