if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
