youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
