I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
