Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
