Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
