If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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