420 ftw
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
