Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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