well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
